do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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