It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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