He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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