is your mom at the bar?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
