Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We have so much sex to catch up on
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
