im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
