worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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