remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
3pm strippers are depressing
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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