Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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