i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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