So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
