Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
