If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
