you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
