Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
