On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
