Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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