I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
