He uses pillows to masturbate.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
