I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
