Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
