I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
