could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think i got beer on your cat.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
