I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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