So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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