sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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