if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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