haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
so much tequila, so little girl.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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