Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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