This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
