I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
