I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
