You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
