i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
