you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
