she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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