HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
