If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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