At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
