I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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