also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
