I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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