I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
