Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
