Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Come see our sink grown plant.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
