3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He has the fingertips of a God
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