We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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