first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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