i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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