so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
