i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Rumble strips road head = magical
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
