So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
