I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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