Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
