Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
