He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
