apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
