she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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