I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
