would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize