you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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