this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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