I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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