I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
soo... how was my night?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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