There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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